Tag: lonely

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Starting Another Year……….Alone

So I’m starting another year alone………………you too?   Not the greatest is it?   But here we are.  And so while I don’t have profound words of wisdom, I’ll share how I’m processing this and maybe it will help you – or it might give you an idea on how you can process your own grief journey starting another year.

New Years Eve was a little better for me, thanks to a dear widow friend who invited me to have dinner at a local restaurant with some other widow friends of mine.  I affectionately call them my widow gang.  The distraction of chatting about whatever and laughing at various things, was definitely a help. Then we went to one of their homes and watched a movie.  Of course after that, I went home – alone.  But by then I just really wanted to be by myself.  

I wasted time watching tv and then went to bed to read.  It was a new book and I confess I got so invested in it that I read till almost midnight.  Midnight – I heard the fireworks in the neighborhood and realized………..the new year had begun, no matter what.  Isn’t it interesting how part of our life stops, but the rest of the world keeps going on…….and on……..and on??

New Years Day started out pretty sad, so I enjoyed an extra cup of coffee and staying in my PJs.  But the sadness eased as I headed into the day.  I baked a new bread recipe and got my black eyed peas going in the small crockpot.  Then late afternoon, I put together a new yellow squash recipe – – – spoiler alert – it’s a keeper & can be easily doubled etc.  Yay!  

Also in retrospect, the passing of the the year and start of the next may have affected me a bit more because I was seriously tired and recovering from driving 600 miles the day before.  

But the ending & beginning bothered me more this year, I think, because I couldn’t sense a “word” or a specific focus/direction from God.  At the end of each year, I pray and look for not a resolution, but a direction – a reset – that sort of thing.  This year – I only came up with a couple things.  They may not sound profound or imaginative, but for the moment, I think it suits me. 

So for this year, 2024, I’m a student –  taking masters classes at a local seminary.   In addition – I’m praying a couple things – may God order my steps and above all – may God heal my heart.  I continue to walk through this life with a broken heart.  And before any other Christians out there try to counsel me – It really is well with my soul – – – – – it’s just not great with  my heart.  After talking this over with a very dear friend who lost her husband 3  months before me – 10 years ago – we  are experiencing the same thing.  Nothing is affecting our faith – we still have joy in the Lord – but our heart seems to be permanently shattered.  Who knows – maybe it has to do with the 10 year mark…….honestly friends………I have no idea.  I’m as clueless as the rest of you.  

Through every year, God has proved faithful.  I know He will continue to be faithful.  My faith is built on nothing less than Jesus’ blood and righteousness.  I dare not trust the sweetest frame, but wholly lean on Jesus’ name.  On Christ the solid rock I stand – all other ground is sinking sand.   

I pray that God will grant each one of us comfort, peace and healing.  

 

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Support & Prayer When Alone

Illness – surgery – medical procedure……………………………….

When on the grief journey, these things come along as part of life.  But isn’t it true that they also point a singular arrow at us that says – alone?  

I’m a member of two Facebook groups for those widowed.  They are wonderful, safe places to talk about anything.  And one of the recurring subjects is prayers for an illness, or upcoming surgery, or a medical procedure. One thing I love about these two groups is that we rally around each other.  It’s more than just friendly support.  It says loud and clear that we are not alone……………even though we are facing whatever it is without our spouse. . . feeling so very alone.  

Do you have a group from church, dear friends who are neighbors, work people, or folks you feel close to from a grief group, that you can share these type of burdens with?  Even though we aren’t together in the regular sense of the word community, we can reach out digitally or outside on the sidewalk/driveway.  And we need to do that – you need to do that – I need to do that.  

You are probably wondering what in the world nudged me to write on this subject.  I’m so glad you asked!

On October 4th I was exposed to someone with Covid.  I lost my sense of taste and smell on Friday, October 9th.  October 10th I got tested and it’s positive.  So I’m isolated for 10 days.  News like that is always a bit surprising, but I’ve learned over many years to take the news, think about things logically at first and then execute a plan.  It was that evening that I crumbled a bit when realizing I was facing another medical thing. . .alone.  

Now before you think I’m depressed or not able to cope. . . .abandon that thought.  I only have the one symptom and am doing well.  My momentary spiral down was just that – momentary.  The deal was that the real surprise wasn’t the test results – it was the brick of “aloneness” that hit me. 

And because I’m not the only one going through things like this, my thoughts turned towards you.  I want you to know that you aren’t the only one that feels that way.  And – just knowing that, I hope, will make you smile and realize that it’s all going to be ok.  And – if you are going through something, comment and I will certainly pray for you.  You are not alone.  Believe that. 

In addition to that – please take a moment and identify your core people.  Think for a moment about whatever groups you’re a part of – on Facebook or at church or work.  We all have our close-to-us people – then our next circle out – good friends – then the friendly acquaintances.  So identify your “go-to” peeps ahead of time.  Because like it or not, at some point, you will have something in your life, medical or not, where you will need support.  Oh – and let’s not forget family.  Family can be such a great comfort and support.  Why didn’t I suggest that earlier?  Probably because I’ve seen those widowed whose families are not supportive or even friendly.  So if that’s you, take heart that we can choose the people who can lovingly share our burdens.  I have a wonderful family, and feel so very blessed.  In particular, my dear children and their spouses are amazing.  They reach out to me in love, which is priceless. 

While I had my moment Saturday night, I’m feeling confident that God is walking with me through everything.  I want to encourage you to feel confident too as you realize you are not alone.  We’ve both come so far on this journey.  And yes, there’s probably a long way to go, but since we’ve made it this far, I know we will make it to the finish line – courageous and triumphant.  

 

 

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Surviving Christmas 2017

My apologies for being silent for awhile.  Like most of us, it’s a very busy time for me. I promise to do this better as I move forward. 

I would love to tell you that I navigated the holidays well.  But I can’t tell you that.  God was gracious and helped me through a difficult year all the way around.  The holidays – Thanksgiving & Christmas – were more difficult this year than previous years.  No idea why………………..absolutely no idea why.  This is my 4th time around the block and I didn’t expect to end up in deep places.  But God had other plans.

This journey is so unique for each of us.  Some are doing amazing by this time on the timeline.  Actually, I’m doing really well.  But all of a sudden in the midst of doing really well, I crash.  I’m betting you do too.

Can I just say that I believe there is a purpose in all this?   Perhaps God is helping me deal with unfinished business………….closing another door……….moving forward.  Maybe, just maybe this is going to make my 2018 better.  The thing is, there’s no way to know except to continue moving forward and see……….I have to keep doing what I know to do and see what happens next.

One thing I learned this Christmas is that we can do MUCH better when we are with family.  This is the first Christmas since my husband, Tracy, passed away that I was completely alone Christmas Eve and Christmas morni

ng.  It was so incredibly lonely and sad.  I felt cheated all over again…………..just being together with someone made all the difference in the world.   Basically I just cried through it when I needed to and got through it till family arrived Christmas afternoon. But before you get feeling sorry for me, know that  joy was flowing like crazy after my kids and grandkids arrived.  Nothing like it to make my heart sing.

I hope your Christmas was less sad than mine. I hope you were with family that brought you great joy.  I hope you were able to smile through the tears and realize that you made it !!!!!  Great job!  That’s awesome !!!  We don’t have to deal with this for another year.  So let’s look toward 2018 with hope & expectation. Peace & Blessings as you continue on the journey.