We made it through Thanksgiving……………and now, here comes Christmas.
The holidays are tough when you’ve lost someone special. There’s lots written about it, but most of it is the same stuff printed over and over. I don’t know that I have anything profound for you either. This is my 5th Thanksgiving & Christmas since my husband died. And this holiday season has been almost as bad as the first time around, but there have been and continue to be a few things that make me smile. So hang in there with me and I’ll just chat with you about my current holiday groove – what works & what doesn’t.
There are parts of this holiday season that are supposed to be good, but in truth they simply make things feel worse. People try to infuse big holiday happiness into situations. Bigger smiles, happier faces, overly kind, even singing Christmas songs all over the place. And if life for us was like it used to be when our spouse was with us, we would be all in with them. But all that wonderfulness just rings hollow. At the same time, I totally get it. They are immersed in the season, life for them is good, happy and wonderful. I don’t begrudge them their seasonal good tidings. I’m simply stating that for those of us who have some grief attached to our life, it makes us want to go home, cover up in a blanket in front of the fire and watch TV or read a book.
To complicate this blog post further, I have to say that being out and about during all the season craziness can actually be a good thing, a helpful thing. Let me explain.
While the constant merriment is often too much to take, being out at the mall, walking around gardens decorated with lights etc. can really lift the spirits – though not as high as the “ho, ho, ho” people in our lives. I actually like walking around the mall, getting some steps in, looking at stuff without feeling the need to buy. And where I live, there’s a botanical garden that dresses up in the most magnificent light displays every year. Yes – I ache for someone special to walk through it with me, but I enjoy the creative scenery, nonetheless. I guess it would be safe to say that those of us who have lost a spouse feel rather split as far as decorations & goodwill. It’s alright in small doses, but then it’s time to retreat……..there’s only so much we can take.
I told you this year is not great. Let me share a couple things that have brought me joy even though sad moments abound. I think they are God’s way of getting me through the holiday landmines.
Every year I sing in a Living Tree production at my church. Honestly, there is only one other Christmas performance that outshines this one and it’s not a fair comparison. While we were stationed at the Pentagon, I had the opportunity to sing with the Christian Performing Artists Fellowship in Constitution Hall singing the Messiah. Yeah – that was amazing. But this Living Tree production is top notch, so much fun and people pack out the church for it every year. Anyway – focusing on the memorization of 14 or 15 songs as well as all the extra rehearsals gives me something joyful to fill my heart & mind. Singing about the reason for Christmas is deeper than “ho, ho, ho” stuff. And it works for me.
Another thing that has worked for me this year – actually it’s a double edged sword, to be honest…………….is my family tree in the great room/kitchen area. It’s particularly pretty this year. I did the lights differently and find it makes the whole thing glow. When I come home, I turn on the tree lights and stand there for a few minutes looking at the beautiful ornaments, thinking of the memories and it makes me smile. Now I said it was a double edged sword…………..that’s because when I look at it at night before going to bed & turning off the lights, it sometimes makes me cry. I said it before and I’ll say it again………this blog post is complicated……….it just is. And truly that matches my emotions during the holidays. It’s complicated.
I don’t know how your holiday is going, but my heart goes out to you. We muddle through the holidays the best way we can. There are ups & downs. We don’t do it perfectly, but we get through it in our own way. Each one of us has other things in our lives that tug at our hearts in addition to dealing with our grief and that complicates the holiday too. So muddling through isn’t a depressing thought for me, it’s survival. You and I will get through this holiday. We will survive and I believe as time goes on, it will get better…………somehow it will get better.
Till then, I hope each one of us can find one or two things to bring a smile this holiday season. You might just find yourself delighting in the Christmas wonder of a child or finding joy in some carol you hear at church or some concert you might attend. And if you go to a Christmas party, go ahead and get way too much joy out of watching someone be an idiot. Hahaha – yeah, I really did post that. I figure if people are going to bring entertainment, we should use that as an excuse to enjoy laughter. So go for it – and think about it later too. Residual laughter……………yep, could just make your holiday a bit merrier. Whatever works!!!