It’s been far too long since I wrote about my grief journey in this blog. And for that, I truly apologize.
Life has been crazy busy and BIG life decisions have consumed my days, my thoughts, my moments…………….every waking moment as well as some when I’m not so awake.
I’ve written about life decisions before and changes as far as moving. Well. . . I’m moving. So much has happened in the past 10 months. No need to give every detail, but here’s a quick synopsis.
In November 2018, my dear grown children & their wonderful spouses told me they would like me to live near one of their families. They said, we love you Mom and want to take care of you. How sweet & endearing is that? It was also a shock. I had not actually considered that before.
I let it ride for a couple months and prayed about it. If I was going to go through this huge undertaking – downsizing after 40 – my heart needed to be on board. Finally by March 2019, my heart had changed & I was ready to get rid of stuff and start looking for a home.
From April to June I looked at existing homes and vetted 3 builders. Nothing seemed to work except one model at a builder. I still needed to know this was it. At one point I realized that this one floor plan and neighborhood felt like home and was the right one.
So I’m in the midst of meeting with the builder, making choices etc. They will break ground next month, October, and be done late February.
Much has been sold or gotten rid of so far, but there is much to either sell or get rid of…………still. 40 years is quite a span to accumulate. But even in this, my heart is ready to downsize.
And grief wise???? I’ve only had a couple things that have tugged at my heart. There is something about the timing of this………………….the change of my heart…………….and how things are falling together. Somehow it’s just right.
Lest you think I’m stoic and unfeeling, I assure you I’m crying through the whole deal. It’s impossible to adequately describe, but joy and sorrow can co-exist. It just does.
From my widow’s perspective………………..I see this as God closing the door on my first life and giving me a fresh start. I don’t know what the next season of my life will look like, but I’m ready to find out.
There are those reading this who can’t imagine what I’m doing – and that’s perfectly fine. It’s not your time, and it may never be your time. That’s the thing about each one of us…………..we are completely unique like snowflakes. Our grief journeys are totally unique. And yet in our singular experiences, we bond because of extraordinary loss.
So as I raise my glass in honor of your journey, please raise your glass in honor of mine……………….and please pray I will have the wisdom and strength to handle everything, make all the decisions, and physically get through this tough life change. I had a sweet woman who is just a bit on the other side of doing this exact thing after 40 years of marriage tell me – once you get on the other side, you will be SO glad you did. Ah………………….a cheerleader – just what I needed.
May God send you a cheerleader or two as you make big decisions on your grief journey. I sincerely hope you have a church family and friends to surround you with love and encouragement.