Well here we are…………….smack dab in the middle of holiday everything.
Every year is different – don’t you think? I mean, after losing someone loved so dearly, the first year sucks……………..it just does. And because it is squarely your personal rodeo, I don’t feel it’s right to give advice exactly. All I think I can do is offer what I did my first year. Don’t misunderstand…….it still sucked, but because I did it the way I felt was good for me, it wasn’t all terrible.
What I did was decide that for Thanksgiving and Christmas, I had to be with one or both of my kids. My kids showered me with love those two holidays. Thanksgiving was wonderful surrounded by all of them. Christmas was wonderful too, being with one of them. Since the holidays were going to be different for me after my husband’s death, it made perfect sense to tag along and be part of whatever my kids wanted to do. They were sensitive & kind – it was still tough on my heart, but I made it through the best I could.
And ultimately friend, that is my heartfelt advice to you. No matter what year this is for you, it’s your rodeo. Take a few minutes and think about how you want to experience the holiday. What is your comfort level? What do you absolutely NOT want to do? Don’t let anyone push you into doing anything that hurts too much or just plain feels wrong. Then let your people know what will be good this year……………most especially if it’s the first. Although, once you establish the base line, the following years will kind of roll how you want since you’ve spoken your wishes. (good for you! )
One other suggestion. . . . I don’t know what your tradition might be, but even in your grief, try to focus on the reason for the season. God loved us so much that He sent his very own Son to earth as a baby…………..it’s why we celebrate. No matter what number year it is, spending some time in church singing the carols, listening to the music and words of of peace and goodwill will lift you up and relax your heart. Doing this has helped soothe my heart after days and days of heart aerobics. It’s like I take a step off the grief merry-go-round for just a little while. Then I feel more centered & stronger in order to step back on it. Try it and let me know how it goes for you. I really do pray that it helps.
No matter when you start your holidays or how you typically roll with them, your heart will go up and down – be pulled here and there – bend and stretch – lift insurmountable burdens. Heart aerobics. This is tough stuff. As you are in the midst of this right now – let me just encourage you for a minute.
First – I’m very sorry for your loss. Every loss is terrible, but during the holidays it simply is worse……….on all levels. Second – know that you have a friend here who while I don’t understand your specific journey, knows the crush, and I’m here walking this too. Third – really do give the church service a try. If you simply can not set foot in church this year, grab a Bible and turn to Luke 2 starting in verse 1, reading to verse 21. A Baby story……………..”For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord.” Baby stories are the best – and this one came to give us an important thing – Hope.
This season. . . . .this moment that you are reading this – – – know that I’m praying whoever reads this post will know they are not alone. Know that in the midst of our sorrow, we can also experience joy in the birth of our Savior.
So even though there are heart aerobics………………………..there is hope.
Peace & Blessings my dear grief travelers