We all know that early in our grief journey even little things trigger tears – a memory, a picture, a song . . . so many things. But what I’ve realized as time goes on is this. It’s not just the obvious. Sometimes the flood of tears or sword to the heart can be triggered by life events or sudden relationship changes or a huge disappointment. It seems that anything and everything that affects our timeline can throw us. Not happy news, but knowing this may help me – and you – deal with it when it pops up. Perhaps being able to identify it when it happens will bring some sense of understanding. Here’s hoping.
Recently I did something brave – at least I felt it was brave for a widow. I agreed to meet two Christian men and no – not at the same time. I truly went with an open hand. If there was a spark – OK, if not, OK. Well – the first one wasn’t a match. But it was good to know for certain there was to be no connection. The second was MIA with no communication. I was stood up – rejected – standing alone.
Once I got home and was able to relax, I crashed and burned. There were so many reasons why, not the least of which was tied to grief. I no longer felt brave.
Yes! I had good moments to reflect on and a wonderful visit with family on the way home. But I also experienced the crashing in of all the emotion and stress involved. Hopes dashed. Questions about my future. Fear – and feeling intensely alone.
It’s scary putting yourself out there. And, it’s stressful being on high alert as well as trying to sort out emotions. Dating again after 40 years is not for the faint of heart.
That said, with some time put behind me, I know I’m stronger and wiser. Individual experiences don’t define me. But they help shape who I am. They add value to this well traveled person. And in this instance, it helps me know more certainly what I’m looking for. You see, it’s as important to know what you don’t want as it is to know what you do.
So a couple things here – FIRST of all – simply know that somewhere along the way a life event wrapped up in emotion might trigger a significant grief reaction. It’s OK! Roll with it and know you will be stronger and better on the other side. And SECONDLY – if and when you put yourself out there again, know that you may encounter the wrong person(s) and it’s OK! Learn what you don’t want and move forward to find the right one.
FYI – I’m still waiting for mine.